Starting the Conversation – Introducing the Spiritually Indifferent to Christian Ideas

I get asked this question a lot: How do you start conversations with non-Christians that will hopefully lead to spiritual things?

Carefully and thoughtfully is my short answer. Christians have a bad reputation of dumping the whole truckload on total strangers or new friends in "Christianese," language that we understand but means something completely different to others. Therefore, the first thing I need to say is – go slow. Get to know them first. Be transparent. Share your failures. Talk about the people you value. Build trust. Show them that you're a different kind of Christian than those they're reading about in the news.

Once you've built a relationship I'd intentionally think about making some pre-decisions about a series of statements or questions you could use to engage the spiritually indifferent in faith conversations.

Here are a few that others and I have used;

• "Have you ever wondered why you were born? What's the purpose of life on this planet in general, but more importantly, why do you and I exist?"

The answers I often get to that question most often are either, "I think we're just born and there is no purpose other than living out our life with as little pain and as much pleasure as we can", or it's "Yes I've asked myself that question many times." Both answers give me the opportunity to share why I exist. "The Bible teaches us every human was born for a purpose- to love and serve God by caring for other people and for this world he created. But there's something that prevents humans from living out that mission. It's sin. But God is a forgiving God. There's a story in the Bible you may have heard about a man who had two sons." Then I'll tell the story of the Prodigal Son. I try to focus on the love of the father for his sinful son who admitted his failure, his sin. "That's exactly what God is willing to do for every person who truly believes his son Jesus died for their sin and asks him to forgive them the Bible says heaven rejoices over one sinner who repents. Because if we truly understand that and begin living as Jesus taught us our life begins to have real purpose other than mere survival, or pleasure.

Another way to approach the gospel is to share how having a real purpose in life has made a difference in yours. "Years ago I decided I wanted my life to count for something and live with more purpose, so I wrote a personal mission statement. It helped define for me, what a life of significance looks like. I read it recently and it reminded me just how easily I can get distracted with what one writer called "the tyranny of the urgent." The demands of work, lack of restful sleep and just dealing with our families, can keep me so busy that I lose sight of the relationships and things I want most to develop or accomplish. Rick Warren wrote a book entitled "The Purpose Driven Life." It has sold over 50,000,000 copies. I'd be happy to get you a copy and discuss it with you chapter by chapter."

In the first few chapters of "The Purpose Driven Life" Warren clearly presents the gospel. I've made it a point not to ask them if they have a mission statement. It feels like a put-down. But, just let the conversation go wherever God leads it from there.

I've had people tell me they've used my book to engage others in spiritual conversations. "I read an interesting book recently called 'The 10 Second Rule.' Here's the rule; Just do the next thing you're reasonably certain Jesus wants you to do (and do it quickly before you change your mind!) The premise of the book is this; what separates religious Christians from true followers of Jesus is actually living more like Jesus every day and not just going to church and believing the right information about God. It's been a wake-up call for me to be far more serious about serving others than being religious. And, I'm loving it!"

Be prepared for specific questions about how that has worked in your life. Please also share your failures at being more Christ-like. People are drawn to authentic, transparent honesty.

I've used the; "I read an interesting book recently" line, with other books as well. I'll share reading "Love and Respect" with someone I know who are struggling in their marriage. I've shared the concepts of the Financial Peace University with spiritually disinterested people who I know are having a tough time with finances. Most non-Christians aren't even aware there are so many great books on these subjects. I understand that those kinds of books aren't written to present the gospel. However, they introduce non-Christians to what the Bible terms, "the wisdom of righteousness," and I've found people are drawn to anything that might make their life better. That's a great lead-in to eventually presenting the gospel to them.

Of all these methods for starting conversations with spiritually indifferent people, here's my favorite; "You know, we've been working together for a while, but I really don't know much about you. Please give me a 10-15 minute history of the family you grew up in, what you loved to do as a kid, what your mother, dad, and siblings were like and what they're doing today. I'd just enjoy hearing how you, became you?"

Most people love talking about themselves. Listen for words that tell you who hurt or disappointed them as a child. If they talk about the divorce of a parent, ask how that affected them. If they say very little about one of their parents, a mother or father, I'll often say, "You've not said much about your father. Was he not engaged in your life much?" In other words, ask enough follow-up questions to show them, that you're truly interested in them.

I never ask people if they go to church or where. If they do they'll let you know one way or another, but I wouldn't put them on the spot. It's been my experience that most spiritually disinterested people have been hurt by a "Christian" parent, spouse, or the church. Find out how and it may be the way to reach them. For men who've had a poor excuse for a father, consider giving them John Eldridge's book, "Wild at Heart."

But, don't worry if any of your encounters end with a person not showing much interest in spiritual things. Success is just being a "safe person" for them and living out the gospel in your own life. My goal is to leave them thinking, "Clare's a person I wouldn't mind meeting with again. He seems to have insights I think I might need." My goal is to be one of the first people they might call, if and when the Holy Spirit moves in them to begin the journey toward Jesus.

However, before you enter any of these conversations, or if you find yourself engaged in one unexpectedly – pray! Ask the Holy Spirit to direct the conversation and give you the right words to say. And add these people to your prayer list. Don't be discouraged. I've heard from people I met only once, years before, who when their life was falling apart were prompted to call me.

"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say." Luke 12:11

Question: Would you share with us how you've started conversations with spiritually disinterested people?