Marriage, Family and God’s Authority Structure

I am often approached by young men thinking of getting married for counsel. One of the first things I want to find out is if they and their fiancé have a biblical view of the marriage contract they are about to make. This blog does not deal with deeper biblical truths about the nature of marriage, and how it is to be lived out as husband and wife. My primary purpose is to address the implications of this spiritual contract between two people and God which many would-be-couples rarely consider.

The Bible doesn’t actually define “family.” However Christians would generally agree with this definition: the union of one man and one woman who pledge themselves to love God and each other and which is normally blessed with one or several natural or adopted children. In a broader sense family also includes any other person related by blood or marriage (the extended family). In the book of Genesis we read that God in the beginning created first a man (Adam) to exercise dominion over his creation and subsequently created a woman (Eve) as the man’s “suitable helper” (Genesis 2:18,20). Then the inspired writer remarks, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 ESV)

This verse sets forth the biblical pattern as it was instituted by God at the beginning: one man is united to one woman in matrimony and the two form one new natural family. In this regard “become one flesh” not only refers to the establishment of one new family but also to the husband and wife’s sexual union. This in turn is in keeping with God’s original command to the first human couple “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion” over all of creation. Gen 1:24. (Theologians disagree as to whether or not the “cultural mandate” still applies to Christians now that the earth is filled with people.)

These common elements of marriage have been at the heart of our civil laws defining and regulating marriage until “No fault divorce,” and the Supreme Court approved same-sex marriage in 2015. People of all cultures and religions — even those who lack faith in God, Christ or the Bible — are capable of participating in the institution of marriage. However we who are Christian believe that the fullest understanding of God’s will for marriage is best understood from a careful examination of scriptural teachings.

Marriage: Contract or Covenant?

Today marriage and the family are viewed by many as social contracts that can be entered into and severed by the marital partners at will. If one or both marriage partners want to get out of the marriage nothing should hold them back. While that’s true legally it’s not true spiritually.

The Bible makes clear that marriage and “a family” are not human conventions based merely on temporary consensus and time-honored tradition. Instead Scripture teaches that family was God’s idea and that marriage is a divine not merely human institution. The implication of this truth is significant for this means that humans are not free to renegotiate or redefine marriage and the family in any way they choose but that they are called to preserve and respect what has been divinely instituted. This is in keeping with Jesus’ words uttered when his contemporaries asked him about the permissibility of divorce: “What therefore God has joined together let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6).

The Covenant

But what is a “covenant”? In essence a biblical covenant is a vow or contract between two parties that is established before God as a witness. It’s a contract whose permanence is ultimately safeguarded by none other than God himself. It is God himself and not the pastor or judge who has joined the marriage partners together. Furthermore each husband and wife made a vow to God and to each other “till death do us part.”

Why Vows Matter

God takes vows to him very serious.

“So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together let no one separate.” Matthew 19:6

“When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge he must not break his word but must do everything he said.” Numbers 30:2

“You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. ‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard and do not be unfaithful.” Malachi 2:14-1

Therefore, while marriages can legally be desolved God considers a couple still married for life unless they’ve broken the vow sexually, or according to the Holy Spirit speaking through Paul, an unbelieving partner divorces them.

“If a Christian brother has a wife who is not a believer, and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. The same applies of a Christian woman who has an unbelieving husband who is willing to live with her. If the unbelieving partner chooses to seperate or leave, let it be so. In such circumstances the believer (“brother, or sister”) is not bound as God has called us to live in peace.” I Cor. 7: 12-16

Why Does The Bible Require A Wife Submit To Her Husband? ?

“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. … Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Eph. 5:23, 24

Why did God establish this authority structure? We’re not exactly sure. The Bible hints that one reason may be that Adam was created before Eve. But does that make him, or any man wiser, or more spiritual? In any case, in every organization we know there can only be one person who has the final authority. That’s true in business, non-profits and partnerships. The “buck has to stop” with one person. Co-chairmanships work only for special projects of limited duration.

But why men? Are they more gifted, or spiritual than women? I doubt it. Again the Bible is silent on that issue. Most theologians believe it has nothing to do with who is more gifted. They believe it may be as simple as this: in each marriage God can’t personally appoint the most gifted, spiritual spouse to lead. Therefore he gave that assignment to men and holds them responsible to lead with gentleness, fairness and grace.

Every husband will ultimately be judged by God for how well he led his family. It’s a serious responsibility that men accept when they choose to marry. Likewise it’s a woman’s choice prior to marriage to put herself under the authority of her husband once she is married. Couples unprepared to accept God’s authority structure should think twice about getting married.

“Now to the unmarried and widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.” I Cor. 7:8