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It’s Not About the Nail!
Posted by Clare
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This blog is for husbands only. Watch this video, have a laugh, then please keep reading.

It’s Not About the Nail Video

One of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn, and am still learning, is to listen and only listen to my wife.  Susan and I have been married for 46 years.  As a young husband and a problem-solver by nature, when Susan would come to me and share a problem, a pain or frustration, I tried what 99% of all husbands want to do – fix it!

As she began to explain what or who was frustrating her, I was quiet, but not really listening.  My mind was racing, looking for a solution for her problem.  I wanted to be her rescuer!  Wasn’t that the job of husbands?  And, lucky Susan, she married a clever guy who loved solving problems for people.  This was going to be a win-win, if there ever was one!

So before she’d even finish talking, I’d interrupt her and give her some options and my best advice, fully expecting a big smile to come over her face, so thankful for the solution.

Instead, she looked at me like I was the most insensitive clod I could be.  Then she’d say, “Clare, I’m not looking to you for answers, I just need you to listen.”  And I’d be shocked and confused.  It just never dawned on me, and didn’t for dozens of years, that my wife didn’t want my advice just then.  She simply wanted empathy and a listening ear.  It wasn’t about the nail!


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Are You Sure You Want Your Children to be Extroverts?
Posted by Clare
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I’m an extrovert and until a few weeks ago, I was rather proud of that. Then I read the book Quiet by Susan Cain. The author isn’t a Christian; nevertheless I’ve found it both convicting and helpful.

The basic premise of the book is that for most of humanity, until the 20th century, we valued a “Culture of Character.” “The ideal self was serious, disciplined, hard working, patriotic, and honorable. What counted most was, not the impression one made in public, but how one behaved in private.”

But, that all changed in the last 100 years. Americans embraced the Culture of Personality. We began to pay more attention to how others perceived us. We became captivated with larger than life people who were bold and outgoing. The Culture of Personality was that of a performer. While we still cared about integrity and character, we were drawn to the person who “owned the room.”

How did this come about and what are the implications for followers of Jesus, especially we who are leaders?

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