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Spiritual Mentoring Tip #5
Posted by Clare

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#5  Be as transparent as you dare.

Believe it or not, your protégé will learn as much from your failures as from your successes. By being transparent, you’re also teaching them it’s okay to be transparent. This will help them immensely in their marriage and with their children. Also, it will deepen the relationships between the two of you as you begin “trusting each other” with your fears and failures. As your mentoring relationship deepens, here are some ideas to help you both become more transparent.

Share with them;

  • The things that wake you up in the night.
  • The doubts you’ve had about faith or the Bible.
  • The hurts as a child you received from a parent(s).
  • The times you’ve been depressed.
  • Your first sexual temptation.
  • The ways Satan might use to discourage or destroy you.
  • The last serious temptation you had (including your failures).
  • Your last fight with your spouse.
  • Things you’ve been addicted to in the past that you are super-vigilant about now.
  • How you’ve reacted both good and bad, to the enemies in your life.


  • Never share anything embarrassing or personal about your spouse without their permission.
  • Always talk about solutions. Give them hope that their fears, temptations or hurts can be overcome or significantly diminished.
  • Try to point them to biblical solutions. I’ll often spend 15 or 20 minutes asking God what I should talk about with the men I mentor and what scripture verses I ought to share that would be helpful to them.
  • Don’t gossip. When sharing a story, leave out names. I also have no qualms about changing minor facts to protect the identity of those involved.

Clare De Graaf

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