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4

Resolving Disputes with Christians
Posted by Clare
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Last week I blogged on lawsuits. This week, I’d like to get right to the issue of how I and others have resolved financial issues outside of the courts, using the principles of Matthew 18:15-17, which reads:

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

What follows is an actual letter I’ve sent to someone in my church who owed me money. Obviously, I’ve changed some details to protect the identity of this individual, but you’ll get the point.

My Letter to a Fellow Christian

Dear

I have made nearly a dozen phone calls leaving messages with your secretary on your voice mail and I’ve even emailed you.  You promised to call me two weeks ago with an offer.  This dispute has gone on for nearly one year without resolution.

When I began trying to settle this matter with you in this way because you were a brother in Christ and a member of my church.  I was confident that with those things in common we could come to an acceptable solution.  Your failure to communicate with me in a constructive way is exasperating.  I’ve offered to meet with you one-on-one or with (name) and myself.  I’ve offered to meet with you and an elder to resolve this issue.  Always you need more information, someone’s on vacation or you’ll get back to me and don’t.

Wanting to be faithful to the scriptural teaching for resolving a dispute with a brother in Christ according to Matthew 18:15-17, I’ll be asking (I named a fellow Christian we both knew) to go with me to your office to meet with you.  Failing to reach agreement by May 15, I’ll write the Board of (the name of our church) to ask them to appoint an elder to help us resolve this issue.

The new total is $_______.  I’m no longer interested in a settlement.  If you owe the money then let’s work out a reasonable repayment schedule.  If you don’t owe it then I wouldn’t want it.  It’s more of an integrity issue for me now than a financial one.  According to the agreement you signed, you should be paying interest.  If we get so far as going to the elders, then I will want them to consider as well, which I had previously agreed to waive.

If you truly need time to pay this amount, I’d be happy to receive it over the next few months, or even much longer, if you really have no ability to pay me now.  I’m even willing to totally or partially forgive the debt, if you can show me how the payment would harm your family’s welfare.  If that’s the case, I’d like to meet with you and your wife.  My interest is in simply getting this resolved fairly.  My other motive is to show the other people involved, some of whom are not Christians, how Christians settle their disputes.  What a testimony it would be if you and I, without a court, could resolve this issue.

I have not had any business dealings with you before and I’m sorry about this situation, but my conscience is clear that my claims are fair.  If the elders feel differently, I’ll gladly accept whatever they determine is fair.  In that sense, I’m willing to submit to binding arbitration by the church, if you will also.

I’d be happy to meet with you on (date).  If I’ve not received a response and a check for at least one fourth of the amount and a note promising to pay monthly over the next year, I’ll stop by on the 10th or the 11th with (the name of a fellow believer) and try to get this resolved.  If you call when I’m out please do not leave a message to call you.  Please speak with my administrative assistant, as to exactly what you are proposing to do or set a time with her for us to meet on either (date).  If this letter and my proposal fails, then I’ll write to our elders and ask them to intervene. I’d not done so already because I have no interest in making them aware of this issue, unless all else fails. Thank you.

In His Service,

MY NAME

Some Practical Considerations and Advice

• Yes, I got paid in full. Of the half a dozen others I’ve helped, who’ve used this process, five out of six have been paid.

• Humanly speaking, I believe the reason this method often works is that most people do not want the leaders of their church to know how unethical they are. That’s one reason I recommend writing a letter before contacting the church and give them a specific window of opportunity to save themselves from this embarrassment. Once the leaders of the church know the situation, often a difficult person will simply go into a defense mode and will do whatever it takes to regain their dignity.

Ironically, it’s also a check on me. I don’t want my elders to think I’m greedy or hounding the poor. That causes me to think and pray before I open that Pandora’s Box.

• I’ve helped people write a variation of this letter even to Christians attending other churches. My church has a history of helping resolve these kinds of issues, but most churches do not. In fact, I’ve had several churches refuse to get involved. When that’s happened, the person I’m helping and I have called the pastor and asked to meet with them with the goal of helping that church better understand what I believe is their responsibility. The majority of the time I’ve done this, the church has chosen to get engaged at some level.

• I also believe it’s important to discern whether or not a person can pay what’s owed. I believe it’s contrary to scriptural justice to demand payment from someone who can’t pay or for whom it would be a great hardship. However, I believe the burden of proof lies with that person to demonstrate their hardship.

• It’s also critical that you or I not gossip about this issue to anyone who doesn’t need to know. Gossip isn’t a lie. It’s truth inappropriately told.

• Once all is settled, then we’re required to do whatever we can to reconcile with a brother or sister in Christ.

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23-24

• Because of Paul’s teaching in I Cor., I have a policy that I will not sue Christians, ever.  However, when dealing with unethical Christians, I find it helpful to not disclose my conviction. But, in the end, Paul’s command trumps everything.

“If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters.” I Corinthians 6:1, 8

Question: Have you ever resolved these kinds of issues this way or other biblical ways?

Next Week: I’ll address the wisdom of using binding arbitration in partnerships, leases and other agreements to provide a mechanism for resolving future disputes, outside of the legal system.

Following Jesus in Real Life

 

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Comments (4)
Comments
  1. Ryan Borck said...

    Greatly appreciate the thoughts, Clare. Confession: my first instinct in that situation would be to doubt whether the “unethical Christian” is really fruit-bearing and a Christian at all. Do you allow that question to effect the method you choose to approach similar issues? Or, do you simply play by what the opposite party self-identifies as?

    Reply
    • Clare said...

      Great question. I Corinthians 5:11, implies that if someone calls themselves a Christian then you should treat them as such. They can’t call themselves a Christian but then “opt out” of their responsibility to come under the authority of scripture and the church.

      Reply
  2. Ann said...

    I assume a person is trustworthy until they prove otherwise. I also think when people ask for money and it is given then you can’t expect it back because they usually don’t have it. I understand the law, working in court for a number of years now and I respect the law, but people who ask for money usually can’t manage it. I also know that people get very depressed and will take extreme measures (suicide) when they feel finanical pressure which usually means personal stress. more than one family I know at Calvary (going there since 1980) has had suicide impace their family and financial stress in these instances was involved. It is a sticky situation.

    Reply
    • Clare said...

      Very wise counsel. Generally, I don’t ever expect repayment if the gift-loan is for personal expenses. However, if it’s for business reasons I think a lender has every expectation that they be repaid unless as I said in my blog, that repayment will cause real hardship in the family. That would be oppressing the poor.

      Reply
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